Back-to-School butterflies are normal. Everyone feels a certain amount of fear. How we cope with fears can empower and equip our children for a lifetime of success.
Going back to school is the quintessential journey of selfhood and belonging. Every human being wants to be unique and valued, while also fitting in and creating meaningful friendships. On the first day of school, every child sits in the tension of these two branches of ‘becoming’ and it is a big deal!
The adults have nervous energy too! Every parent and caregiver wants the best for the children, every teacher knows the moments and days ahead are crucial in establishing the classroom culture for the future. The energy is high on the playground.
I remember in Grade Two, on my first day at a new school, I walked to the bus stop, got on the bus, found my own class line-up, and was more nervous than any other moment of my childhood. The next most anxious moments of my childhood were the hours before I played Schumann’s Concerto in a minor at the Orange County Performing Arts Center in Grade 12. When I look back at it, I actually can’t believe I could cope with either one of those events. However, cope I did.
While I can’t remember the details of either memory, I’m pretty sure the coping looked messy. I have big emotions at the best of times. I’m sure the big emotions came out on both of those days in some form or another. But, I coped. Nowhere in either of those memories do I see my parents. I know my parents were there. I know they loved me. I know we had conversations and they helped prepare me for both of those challenges. And, I coped. I know my parents celebrated me afterwards.
I tell this story to set up what experts and educators know about the first day of school. It is a great time to LearnForward and use the experiences to develop a toolkit of fear-busters that your child can draw on throughout life.
The big work comes long before you reach that playground on the first day of school. Some ideas include:
- Discuss school with enthusiasm. Make the first day something everyone in your home is looking forward to: a new beginning with fresh and exciting possibilities.
- Meet the teacher and orient your child to the classroom and school. Even the big kids benefit from the before-school-starts tour.
- Role play the first day. Even if you don’t physically act it out, talk about what success looks like and describe in detail how you can achieve that success. We will be doing this particularly with our 3-year old.
- Use children’s literature to offer new and relatable characters, words and images to help during the process. For some suggestions, check out my “Coffee with Karine” board on Pinterest.
- Lean into routines and rituals that help us all feel a sense of empowerment, whether it is a new outfit or the simple acts of getting enough sleep and eating a good breakfast.
- Rehearse previous successes in your home. It is easy to allow a bad experience to crowd out good ones. Bad experiences happen. It’s normal. But, you can help set a positive tone by acknowledging some of your child’s fear-busting successes specifically and rehearsing them.
- Believe your child is capable. When you are fearful, it will be difficult for your child to feel confident. Believe your child can do it! They can bust through fear and take on the challenge of a new year! You can communicate this to your child most powerfully by knowing when to step back. In a huge percentage of cases, lingering at school makes it worse for your child. The good-bye school routines are established to help the transition and almost all children can get used to those routines over time. Make that your goal at drop-off.
If you don’t feel confident yourself, that may be a time when you need to reach out to the teacher and/or administration of your child’s school and learn more about how the school transitions into the school year. I know having those conversations are incredibly helpful for me.
As a quick side note, there is definitely a time to seek outside support for children experiencing anxieties that are becoming unmanageable. In my experience, it is helpful to do that sooner rather than later.
In my school community, there is one week left before we begin! How will you maximize that last week to build great enthusiasm for the start of school? What’s one idea you have that will equip your child with a fear-busting tool? I’d love to hear your ideas!
Next week “Coffee with Karine” will be on break, so I can put my energies into Willowstone Academy. I’ll connect with you over a coffee the following Sunday! Until then…
For the sake of the children,
Karine