Every mother wants her child to achieve.  Every father wants to know his child is a winner!  

But, what do we do when our child competes and doesn’t win?  What do we do when our child doesn’t end up at the top?  What happens, when in comparison, our child doesn’t compare?

What does Worthiness whisper in those moments when the world says “You don’t measure up!”

How can we reframe success to ensure all children accept failure as a stone on a path to mastery?

This weekend I had the distinct privilege of attending the British Columbia Debate Provincial Tournament at St. George’s School in Vancouver sponsored by the Law Foundation Cup.  My Grade 12 son competed amongst 160 debaters, 40 of whom were senior debaters.  In 20 hours each pair would debate five times; two prepared debates and three impromptu debates.  The context was infused with the grandest of expectations and the students’ swagger made me sweat.

What you have to know about this story are three things:

• My son competes with cerebral palsy and a moderate-severe hearing impairment.
• He’s been competing in debate since Grade 9.
• In his first Provincial debate in Grade 9, he finished dead last:  sixtieth out of sixty.  As he reflects on that experience, he confesses, “And, I cried like a baby.”

This year, we knew he wouldn’t win.  We knew he wouldn’t come in the top 10.  We were aiming for the top 2/3.  I had the opportunity to reflect with him about his journey at the end of weekend.  

I asked him how he made it to Grade 12 Provincials?  How did he overcome?  How did he continue forward under such immense pressure and with such enormous obstacles to overcome?  How did he climb that mountain of pursuit?!

He said simply, “Mother, I don’t ever compete for the sake of achievement or accolade because that would be unhealthy.  I always just run the race against myself.”

You know, I could write a ton about worthiness and I likely still will, but really, D-Ray says it all.

“I don’t ever compete for the sake of achievement or accolade because that would be unhealthy.  I always just run the race against myself.”

While I think there are many practices that help us cultivate worthiness in our children (I’ll write about those next week), I think sometimes we all need these simple reminders.

The way Coach Wiebe says it at my school is, “Cheer for the swing!”

Can you name three things that your child is “swinging at” currently?  If you can’t, that’s okay. Just look for them now.  How can you continue to “cheer for the swing” in your child’s pursuits?  As a family, can you create a reminder, design a sign or symbol, that honours the “swing” in life?

My son will get the rankings from Provincials later today.  But, regardless of the outcome, my sincerest and greatest celebration is for the “Swing!”

For the sake of the children,
Karine