We all want to know ‘How?’ Our human nature wants everything in a formulaic, step-by-step, quantitative procedure.
The trouble is…I’m not sure life always proceeds that way…
We can’t write a recipe to help your child feel worthy. But, how about I share my inner wisdom; feel free to leave your ideas too! Because this journey towards worthiness is less of a roadmap and more of a trail.
Six ways to help your child gain a sense of worthiness:
- Be Present – Children’s hearts desire connection. Connection fills their bucket. We don’t always need to be there, but when we are, let’s put down our phones and create an intention to listen, interact, and follow their lead! Recently, I set the little drive from home to school (about 9min) as the time when I get a mini-date with my 3-year-old. It’s much more fun than being lost in my own brain as I drive!
- Be Yourself – Nothing soothes my teenagers’ hearts more than a reminder of my own weaknesses as they face theirs. Admittedly, they can see what I’m working on in life quite clearly now. So, it makes them smile to remember my challenges amidst struggling with their own. We don’t have to be perfect for our children; we have to be authentic.
- Laugh Often – A sense of humour is such a marvellous way of breaking the ice on vulnerability. My 16-year-old daughter is the BEST at this! She laughs at herself with ease and she gets others giggling about their foibles as well. At times, our dinner table can be filled with the tender laughter of “We’re all human!”
- “We can do hard things!” – Brené Brown taught me this one. Worthiness invites us to dare greatly. We can take on more than we thought we could handle. We can survive more than we thought possible. We can sit with our own vulnerabilities with gentleness. Nothing silently says, “You are capable” more than standing back and giving a child the space to work at it on their own.
- Explicitly Express – Being honest about strengths and weaknesses helps children understand who they are in the world. Research says that we must offer “Just in time and just for me” feedback. It must be specific. So, when the 3-year-old zips her coat up all by herself after untangling the inside-out arm, we don’t just declare “Good job!” We take the time to acknowledge specifically, “You are growing up! Look at how well you are learning to dress yourself! You can even turn the sleeve right-side out.”
- Practice Grace – When the milk spills, don’t cry. When life comes crashing down, be gentle with yourself. When you can see the imperfection in all its glory, sit with it. Recently, I met up with a mom who described one of her children’s challenges. She described the tears of her daughter. I could tell the tears were flowing on cheeks of grace. It’s so much safer for our children to be themselves in that place!
Can you remember a time when tears were flowing on cheeks of grace? What would we need to let go of to dance with worthiness? What makes your smile break out as you consider your own foibles?
“No mud; no lotus” says Thich Nhat Hanh.
For the sake of the children,
Karine