Big tears, the crocodile kind, filled her eyes. My heart broke a little bit. I pulled her off the red-with-white polka dot sheets and up into me. I know a week feels like a long, long time for a four year old. I will be gone.
Even worse, it was a really rough night, the kind where all three of us reached our limit and I was bewitched by midnight. It wasn’t good.
Now, I’m on and wondering about . How do we knit a profound and transcendent sense of worthiness into a child’s life?
Does my child feel worthy today? What about the struggling boy from Grade 4 who melted down yesterday afternoon? Did I dignify him? Did I stand up on the hill of worthiness and reassure him? What about my two adult children? Are they sure of their value despite what they do, achieve, accomplish, or perform?
Our children are still measuring their worth based on achievement or ‘works’. I want to stand that idea on its head!!
I know so many evolved and brilliant parents, yet the children know where they are in the pecking order at school and with their grades. Sometimes children feel shame even when we don’t move a muscle. They see their uniqueness and shudder. No matter how much we want to celebrate each child, the daily journey is still filled with measuring sticks and weighing scales.
I get it. I’m also addicted to performing. The measure of the success of many of my days is based on how much came off my to-do list. I need my achievements to be measurable and quantifiable. I need others around me to recognize my achievements. Did you know I wrote a to-do list on my first one-hour flight. Now, I’m doing it.
O! My heart hurts with the writing of these words. It’s not because I don’t value productivity or think to-do lists are evil. It’s just because I know my own sense of worthiness is still tempted to claim the checkmarks as a sense of value.
My heart hurts because we are all working off of the giant tally mark chart in the sky.
So, we have an uphill battle. It’s going to take work to ward off the ‘worthiness by works’ mentality. It’s going to take our intentionality and consistency.
Let’s brainstorm. Four things we can do today:
- Treat yourself as worthy. Take care of your medical, spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. Honour your body and soul. I ate a really healthy lunch and have honoured my body by mindfully preparing for my trip. I didn’t cut corners on health, even though I was tempted to leave it off the list. There were many demands pressing. I could have easily filled my time with other issues.
- Treat the children as worthy. Hug them. Hold them. Fill their lives with your joyful presence. Be good to them by building predictability, borders and boundaries into their worlds that provide them with security. Hold space for their emotions and make it safe for them to be themselves. Accept them and hold them accountable with high expectations. Love each one of them.
- Dignify others. Dignify even the ones who can’t perform, achieve, contribute, or reciprocate. Cultivate generosity that transcends status, class, culture, or creed. My children know I am traveling the globe with that in mind. To whom much is given….
- Honour our spirits. Our colleagues are more than how much they can do for me. Our students are more than robots to program. Our schools, classrooms, and homes are sacred spaces with little blooms unfolding.
My mom’s garden is filled with spring blooms of peonies. Right now they are tight little balls of potential petals. Yesterday, G began trying to peel them apart. My mom gently guided, “Don’t pull at them; they open slowly and can’t be forced.”
Worthiness blooms with patience. We can’t force or demand it.
As a simple caveat, we need to continue to be committed to setting our children up for success. Have high expectations. Believe the world for them. Twirl around with the potential of it all! Invite collaboration with teachers to work towards a healthy growth and a sense of achievement. Keep going…
But, if you must err, err on the side of grace.
It is a gentle unfolding.
For your journal this week:
- I will honour myself as worthy by_____________________________
- I will communicate worthiness to the children in my life by_______________________
- Along the way, I will watch for opportunities to dignify others by______________________
- We will slow down to mindfully honour our spirits by_______________________
I’m wishing you goodness and I’m sure I’ll have lots to share from East Africa next week.
For the sake of the children,
Karine
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